The blaring ring of the dismissal bell resonated throughout the vacant halls and fluttered into my cooperating teacher's classroom, announcing the end of today's riveting discussion over chapter three of our short novel. As the eruption of shuffling chairs and adolescent banter faded away towards the hall, I picked up a crumpled hunk of notebook paper abandoned on the floor. Just as I dropped it in the trashcan, a twinkle on the teacher's desk caught my eye. The object of my curiosity was a gleaming, sterling silver picture frame embroidered with crystal-like stones and contained what appeared to be a wedding photo. The heartwarming smiles of the newlyweds were captivating and the sight of their joyous occasion seemed to radiate an air of utter bliss. Within a matter of seconds, I felt a heavy sense of sorrow weighing down on me, and the walls of the classroom dissipated like shifting sand under a storming sea.
My overactive imagination seized control of my senses and I was suddenly transported to a stark empty classroom. The smudge of erased chalk was fresh on the board and the absence of sound created a stifling, gloomy atmosphere. What happened to my favorite poster of Poe's raven quoting, "Nevermore?" Why was my classroom library void of any young adult literature? As I looked down, my arms held a cardboard box containing my personal belongings, my teaching certification, and a photo portraying a marriage between two men.
I was fired for being gay.
I desperately tried to fight off the imbued fog of melancholy and grief growing inside of me, but the heartache was relentless. It is vital for me as an educator to encourage pride in differences and diversity, but I couldn't help but wonder if I would be categorized as the inferior due to an attribute I absolutely cannot control. Would parents pull their students from my classroom once they've caught word of my differences? Would administration determine my qualifications to be unfit for the position once this is brought to their attention? My right to marry has been already been severed from my grasp. So will my dreams to educate young adults also be detached from my future? Just as the coat of tears began to well up, a tap on the shoulder funneled me back to reality. I turned to see one of my favorite students smiling at me from cheek to cheek, and all of my previous woes somehow faded away. He asked me what kind of hair products I use to get it to stick up the way it does.
As the students of fourth period Language Arts settled into their seats, the commotion of rustling papers soothed me while the rugged grinding of dull pencils put my mind at ease. I raised my hand to signify that class was to begin. We sifted through our novels to page sixty-one and my cooperating teacher asked the class where we left off.
"To me, this is the singular privilege of reading literature: we are allowed to step into another's life."
-Nicole Krauss
"To me, this is the singular privilege of reading literature: we are allowed to step into another's life."
-Nicole Krauss
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BOOM. (sorry, had to do that.)
ReplyDeleteDude this was excellent, thank you so much. You capture the wandering mind flawlessly. I felt like I was balled up with the same anxiety as the first-person speaker as he drifted out of reality in the present-tense and into one of reality's many possibilities. I'd like to read more of your stuff like this. Keep up the good work.
This was a very powerful piece of work. You show your desire to help, and that you are willing to put students first, and that they are the most important thing when it comes to your job. This was also well written with a lot of brush strokes. I had to share it with another student at school. I look forward to reading more from your blog. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteThank you for pulling back the proverbial curtain to share your inner fears and desires. As I read your post I was remembering the quote that people (including me) always say incorrectly however the message is always understood. Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather carrying on in spite of fear. You are courageous in multiple ways. I'm proud to know you.
ReplyDeleteLucky,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your powerful reflection! I enjoyed hearing your draft and now reading your final. The emotion portrayed in this truly impacts readers, or it did to me. The way you narrow in on the picture and then bam, your world was changed just because of one thing. I hope you NEVER have to go through this! Keep doing what you are doing! Thank you again!
Sheila
Lucky,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing something so personal and inspiring. I’m sorry that this is part of your reality. It shouldn’t be. I know I have enough to work though mentally and emotionally as a pre-student teacher already, and having that extra worry or insecurity isn’t fair. You have so many wonderful ideas and I know you are going to be a terrific teacher! Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you have to be someone that you are not. I really enjoyed listening to you read this in our workshop and love the changes that you made to the final version. You are an exceptional writer and have a vivid eye for detail. I could see, hear, and feel everything in the story! I hope that publishing a novel is something you will think about in the future.
Thanks again!
Megan
Thank you for sharing your genre assignment Lucky! Wow! You did an excellent job in creating a short story that allows the reader to imagine the imagery very well. Excellent job.
ReplyDelete